I did it.  I hit rock bottom.  As a roadie for a rock band I started drinking and partying and living like the image I had in my head of a ‘rock star’ or a ‘celebrity’ because it looked like they were having so much fun.  At first, the parties were new, the people I was meeting were exciting and the access to drugs and alcohol at concerts and events was never an obstacle.

Then my addictions began to deepen. Before I realized how much the substances had started taking over my life, I went from drinking top shelf liquor and getting wasted on Hollywood quality drugs to waking up in strange places with people whose names I didn’t even know and sharing a needle.  I had thought I was living life in the limelight, but then the dreams quickly evaporated as the lime started to rot. 

People I called ‘my friends’ weren’t really my friends.  You’re great when you’re up and you’ve got dope, and you can get them in with the ‘in crowd.’ But their motivated by the same addictions you are and they’ll chase the next high instead of sticking with you the first time they have to choose. To a user you become little more than a wallet with a face. If you don’t have drugs or money for drugs, you just aren’t their ‘friend’ anymore.

When my real friends finally couldn’t take my lying and stealing any more I cast them off without seeing clearly how much they wanted to help me. Instead I decided that Dope was my only friend, my mother, my father, and my lover… even as it was killing me.

TO BE CONTINUED..

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I did it.  I hit rock bottom.  As a roadie for a rock band I started drinking and partying and living like the image I had in my head of a ‘rock star’ or a ‘celebrity’ because it looked like they were having so much fun.  At first, the parties were new, the people I was meeting were exciting and the access to drugs and alcohol at concerts and events was never an obstacle.

Then my addictions began to deepen. Before I realized how much the substances had started taking over my life, I went from drinking top shelf liquor and getting wasted on Hollywood quality drugs to waking up in strange places with people whose names I didn’t even know and sharing a needle.  I had thought I was living life in the limelight, but then the dreams quickly evaporated as the lime started to rot. 

People I called ‘my friends’ weren’t really my friends.  You’re great when you’re up and you’ve got dope, and you can get them in with the ‘in crowd.’ But their motivated by the same addictions you are and they’ll chase the next high instead of sticking with you the first time they have to choose. To a user you become little more than a wallet with a face. If you don’t have drugs or money for drugs, you just aren’t their ‘friend’ anymore.

When my real friends finally couldn’t take my lying and stealing any more I cast them off without seeing clearly how much they wanted to help me. Instead I decided that Dope was my only friend, my mother, my father, and my lover… even as it was killing me.

TO BE CONTINUED..

No Comments