“One must first learn to live with one’s self before one blames others.
Feodor Dostoyevsky

Blaming another person can become a way of positioning the self as a victim. When children are young and see their parents as the entire world, they are extremely vulnerable and dependent upon their parents’ opinions. If their parent belittles them and makes them feel in the wrong, they will eventually come to do the same, turning that opinion inward onto them. In this case, part of the process of healing will be to turn self-hatred outward – back toward the parent as a way of righting the original distortion. This, however, is only a part of the process. Continued healing will happen when the parent is knocked off the pedestal and no longer seen as the ultimate authority when the parents become human for the child, who is now an adult, and when that child can see them with understanding and perspective, realizing that they, too, had a history.

I am not my parents’ opinion of me.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 9th, 2012 at 8:35 am and is filed under Alcoholism, Emotional Sobriety, Recovery, Spritual Awakening. You can leave a comment and follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

  • H H Fogle

    I’m so glad I’m not my parent’s opinion of me. It’s taken so many years to find out who I was really created to be and now I’m happy to be me. I think we have to be pretty well into midlife to see our parents as individuals and consider their past. Rarely have I seen that happen any sooner. I like the post. Thank you for the good advice. Go on…knock down some pedestals!

    • http://www.theaablob.com Marc

      I know, the old ideas have to be looked as they were doing the best they could. We don’t have to be better for them, we just have to be for us.