The AA Blog

Subliminal Healing

By Fran Dancing Feather

The subliminal place within us is beneath the hardwood floor of our consciousness. The subliminal is the unconscious behavior, desires and the place of dreams. For deep healing to occur, it does best to sink beneath the consciousness of our daily reality. It can be an exciting journey to try to discover all the ways Creation attempts to reach inside us to create miraculous events. The most romantic and powerful poetry is written in the natural world.

Rain mixed with snow and sleet patters on my shoulders as I continue to fulfill my commitment to walk up the mesa every morning even in the coldest months of the year—the very dead of winter. The early hours of morning are still cloaked in complete darkness and the road is nearly invisible. It’s 20 degrees and the even the silhouettes of the frozen tree-skeletons cannot be seen this time of day. The half moon hides as though she were nowhere behind clouds that are heavy with the assaulting winter storm.

At the top of Smith Mountain the sun begins to squeak between the tops of the surrounding snow-covered mountains and a thick black layer of clouds. The first color of this icy day is provided by sparkling dew atop a delicate layer of green grass! Grass? It draws my attention away from the effort of the climb, to the subliminal renewal and love of my Creator. All that healing and honoring of the winter requires is the willingness to search the world around me for the miracles of life. Life is stronger then the freezing cold. Suddenly a crowd of winter geese creates a crescendo of sound that rises from the pond below as they celebrate in flight by heading to the larger water on the reservation near the casino, on the far side of the mesas. Then a coyote yips in the waning darkness near the river below. Then another and another as they celebrate a new kill, perhaps a young deer this time. As I head back down two does dressed in heavy winter fur startle me, bounding across my path. Life is in session and we are never ever alone! Soon the sun wins against the darkness and the road ahead is easier to follow. As light yawns across the earth, I see there is the same tiny delicate grass across the entire landscape. It sparkles with the new moisture of the recent quick storm as far as the eye can see. How have I not seen this before on other morning walks? I give thanks.

As our recovery continues to unfold into greater spiritual awareness, we are constantly being healed by the many subliminal murmurings of Creation. If we are open to these miracles, they appear before us like shiny new toys in the eyes of a child on Christmas morning. We learn to wonder and smile easily without judgment of one another. I have been exploring the wonders of the natural world for many years in various locations. The tiny winter tundra has always amazed me the most. Among the delicate grasses is also some clover-like growth that appears with a closer look. The elders say the medicines in the wilderness will show themselves to us when our heart and spirit are ready to find them.

Small plant life on the surface of Mother Earth changes more frequently than the seasons. There is always something new throughout the days and each tiny un-noticed herb provides new colors and aromas that make subliminal healing medicine beneath the floor of our consciousness. Seeing and smelling them causes hundreds of biochemical responses inside our bodies, of which we are completely unaware! We are affected every moment outdoors in the natural world. We rarely give thanks for these tiny medicines because we are rarely aware of them unless we learn to recognize them. As we recover we continually allow the gifts of Creation to enter more deeply into us to relieve us and heal us from wounds of our broken past. Just for today, we allow ourselves miracles of wholeness and freedom.

Link to website: http://frandancingfeather.com/subliminal-healing/

Thought Life

From Alcoholics Anonymous pp 85-87

When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? Do we owe an apology? Have we kept something to ourselves, which should be discussed with another person at once? Were we kind and loving toward all? What could we have done better? Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? Or were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life? But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others. After making our review we ask God’s forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken.

On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. Under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for after all God gave us brains to use. Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives.

In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don’t struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while.

What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it.

We usually conclude the period of meditation with a prayer that we be shown all through the day what our next step is to be, that we be given whatever we need to take care of such problems. We ask especially for freedom from self-will, and are careful to make no request for ourselves only. We may ask for ourselves, however, if others will be helped. We are careful never to pray for our own selfish ends. Many of us have wasted a lot of time doing that and it doesn’t work. You can easily see why.

If circumstances warrant, we ask our wives or friends to join us in morning meditation. If we belong to a religious denomination, which requires definite morning devotion, we attend to that also. If not members of religious bodies, we sometimes select and memorize a few set prayers, which emphasize the principles we have been discussing. There are many helpful books also. Suggestions about these may be obtained from one’s priest, minister, or rabbi. Be quick to see where religious people are right. Make use of what they offer.

As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day “Thy will be done.” We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.

It works – it really does.

We alcoholics are undisciplined. So we let God discipline us in the simple way we have just outlined.

But this is not all. There is action and more action. “Faith without works is dead.” The next chapter is entirely devoted to Step Twelve.

Hard Work

By Anonymous
There’s an old saying, “How do you know the difference between a weed and a flower? If you tear it out and it grows back by itself, it’s a weed. If not, it’s a flower.” That which comes without work rapidly develops beyond control, choking the life out of the very one who allowed it to grow. The fruits of real labor, however, are enduring and cherished.

Of course, we alcoholics and addicts know all too well how fast and easy payoffs come back to haunt us. But this pertains not only to our drinking days but to our recovery as well. Being a gift from God, sobriety is true good and thus requires real work. There is no “easier softer way” to come by a gift as precious and holy as spiritual, mental and emotional healing.

There’s an old parable about a man who brings his young son to the river in the middle of the winter to engage in the mystical practice of purifying immersion in water. The man cracks the ice with an axe then lowers the boy into the freezing water. The boy shrieks, “Eek!” The father pulls the boy up, wraps him in a blanket and the boy sighs, “Ah.”

“Anything in life that starts with an ‘ah,’ will certainly end with an ‘eek “Let this be a lesson to you, my son,” says the father, “immersing in the water is a holy ritual and so it starts with an ‘eek’ but ends with an ‘ah.’ Anything in life that starts with an ‘ah,’ is certainly not holy and will just as certainly end with an ‘eek.’”

This same idea is also expressed by the terrible descent in both vitality and health during our active addiction. Negativity has no real staying power. It is always in a course of decay. Any appearance of it having substance is but a show, set up to lure man into taking its bait. The realm of holiness, however, is eternal. Any changes within it are only in a manner of increase and ascent from level to level.

Our relationship with alcohol begins with it giving us much for very little but regresses exponentially until giving us less and less for a more and more of a price. Recovery, in contrast, makes hefty demands from the outset but grows increasingly precious as the days go on.

Tips To Help Men Suffering From Childhood Sexual Abuse

by Dan Griffin

http://dangriffin.com/archives/2454

This is not the festive blog topic you may have been hoping for and that I had even hoped to write, but I can’t get this Penn State scandal out of my mind and it weighs heavy on my heart. So, this post is one that is very important as we go into the holidays and you think about the men you know and love, as well as yourself (if applicable).
By now, everyone has heard about the egregious behavior and massive cover-up at Penn State involving the beloved Joe Paterno and his heir apparent, Jerry Sandusky. Sandusky, as it is only alleged at this time (though there is a very compelling grand jury report,) is said to have sexually abused numerous young boys over multiple decades. This posting is not about whether Sandusky is guilty — I will let a court of law determine that and pray to God that justice is served.
This posting is not about Sandusky at all. However, while the flurry of 24-7 news stories on the scandal has decreased dramatically, there will no doubt be another deluge of stories with the most salacious and graphic details once the actual court case gets underway. And just this past week, two more men came forward accusing Mr. Sandusky of sexual abuse.
My biggest concern from the moment this story started airing was what it was doing to all of the men and boys across the country — and even the world — who suffer from undiagnosed and untreated trauma, especially those who have been sexually abused. Many of these men have no recollection that they have had such traumatic experiences. How many men were being triggered – and acting out in any number of ways as a result of the blast of coverage? It is hard to say what the true statistics are but I am confident that the majority of the estimated percentages for boys’ childhood sexual abuse are a far cry from the actual number of boys and young men who are carrying around the horrible scars of sexual abuse. Here are some of the different ways men could be affected:
▪ Increased use of alcohol or other drugs
▪ Relapse (back into active addiction – substance, sex, gambling, etc.)
▪ Those men who have been working through abuse histories could find themselves struggling with significant memories or emotional outbursts
▪ Isolation
▪ Exacerbation of mental health issues
▪ Abusive behavior, including acting out sexually in different ways including, unfortunately, sexual abuse
▪ Obsessive viewing and talking about the scandal, the people involved, and extreme opinions about the alleged perpetrator and/or victims
Our society has systematically pretended that boys and men don’t suffer from sexual abuse. We have this pervasive disparaging opinion about boys and men who suffer abuse and honestly express how it has affected them as weak and whining. That keeps a lot of men — especially those men regarded as ‘macho’”— silent and stuck in their suffering. And, as I have stated many times, when men suffer we tend to take our suffering out on others.
Here are five ways to support a man who has suffered abuse in the past:
▪ Help him find a forum for him to talk about it in a way that is safe for him, ideally with other men who have had similar experiences.
▪ If he is showing signs of problematic use of alcohol and other drugs, talk to him directly. Find an expert or someone in recovery to offer coaching on how to have the conversation or who can even be present with you as you have the conversation.
▪ Help him get help. Men can have so many barriers — many of which hit them at the core of their being and their masculinity — to seeking help. Do everything you can to see the strength and courage it takes to get help and reinforce that message to him.
▪ Watch the Oprah Winfrey episode from earlier this year where two hundred men came forward about being sexually abused while their loved ones, many of whom never knew, were in another room listening and watching. Watch the full show here.
▪ If the man has already done a lot of work through therapy, recovery, and/or his faith, honor him for his courage and strength and let him know how much you love and respect him.
It may be hard right now to see something like this scandal as a gift, but it is certainly up to us if we decide whether any good comes from it. If a tragedy such as this creates an opening for boys and men to be better able to talk about any and all kinds of abuse, then that is definitely something very good. While the Catholic clergy scandals have opened the door, the fact that this latest scandal took place in the domain of one of our country’s most hallowed masculine religions blows the door open — it shows that abuse and experiencing abuse are not about strength or some aberrant behavior of an aberrant population. They can happen to anyone, be perpetrated by anyone, and are more than likely happening all over the world right now, literally. The secrets keep the sickness alive and destroy the individual from the inside. It is time to end the silence once and for all but let’s make sure that men and their families are safe and supported in the midst of the cacophony.

Purification

By Fran Dancing Feather

http://frandancingfeather.com/

The icy cold dawn kisses my cheeks with the blush of the
Winter Purification. Bundled tight in snow gear, I walk fast to the upper mesa. Heavy dark clouds hide the sunrise and morning barely glows awake with the threat of a blizzard. Occasional shafts of purple illuminate the road and what is left of the dead leaves of sycamore and mulberry. Ah, the ever-living pines that grace the top of the trail are silhouetted black instead of green against steel colored sky. My heart pounds with the accelerated walking, my commitment to a strong durable winter body. I will prevail over the cold months and honor the purification time. Slim and seemingly delicate deer pass by bounding through the brush. Long ago my ancestors lived in longhouses in the northeastern woodlands without forced-air heating or memory-foam beds. They hunted the fat deer and elk and walked everywhere. We are made for walking and honoring the seasons, whatever they may bring. We were made to respect the mother earth and all her passing moods of change

It is our heritage to be a strong people, durable and at peace with the natural world. I defy the comfort of my home and face the morning with the courage of my recovery. Ravens sit atop power poles and laugh at the weakness of humanity and the brokenness and alcoholism in Indian Country. When the great huge black birds are quiet, their silence whispers of mysticism and the sacred healing ceremonies of the ancients. They are scavengers and yet beautiful and strong. There is no doubt they will find food today. At the top I rest and catch my breath for just a moment, allowing the human soul to explore the hidden canyons across the valley. Along the creek below, golden light glows in the windows of the homes of the early waking village. An old truck rumbles reluctantly along the river road.

Our disease of addiction is the purifying and sanctification of the human soul. It is the mystery of new creation and the continuing cycle of enlightenment. Like the frozen season, it brings us to the place of darkness and cold mortality. We find ourselves living the shortest and darkest day of our lives in our powerlessness. As we struggle into a spiritual renewal, through the steps, we begin the journey to the springtime of our consciousness. No longer numbed by our substances of choice, we become naked before the truth of our wounded-ness. We are like the tiny buds of new growth who await the sunshine of the spirit beneath the sheltering bark of the tree of life. What will be ahead for us? Will fear prevent us from bursting forth into the light or will we let life carry us to new exciting adventures, where we weep all our tears and laugh all our laughter? Will we answer the call to altruism and unselfishness or will we wither, relapse and die to become the dark rotting earth of yesteryear? We are finally faced with a decision, to choose either Life or Death. And so we choose life and emerge from our cocoon and enjoy the clean and sober freedom of recovery. We are purified in the most profound way of all—faith and fellowship.

Stepping Fourth

by Heidi
I’m fascinated by how the Steps change lives, mine included. I’m so glad all 12 Steps are recited at the beginning of most AA meetings. I’ve experienced some meetings without them and to me, it feels oddly disconcerting; like standing at the edge of the water on the beach and feeling the sand wash away beneath me. I try not to tip, but I eventually I can’t stay standing in the shifting sand. Those Steps keep me grounded in truth.

There’s a rhythm to the steps, too. Something significant happens after taking Step 5. Actually, Bill W suggests we return home and for an hour, quietly reviewing what just happened.

Taking this book down from the shelf we turn to the page which contains the twelve steps. Carefully reading the first five proposals we ask if we have omitted anything, for we are building an arch through which we shall walk a free man at last. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous, 2011, p 75

Those first 5 steps are basic to recovery. If I short change any one of them, my recovery becomes a fight against the tides.

A major reason is, just as Bill says, we are building an arch through which we shall walk—free at last! The keystone of the arch is built during the process of Steps 1 through 5. I would guess that’s why he suggests we review our initial Steps before going ahead with Steps 6 through 12.

I’ve heard it said, “You can always go back and do it better next time, just get through the 4th step as quickly as you can the first time.” Compare that to what Bill says about the 4th Step.

We went back through our lives. Nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty. When we finished we considered it carefully. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous, 2011, p 65

Freedom comes from seeing my life clearly and accepting my own part in the patterns of my life. It doesn’t come from rushing through the facts or trying to race through the 4th step just so I can be done with it. The longer I’m in recovery, the more I rely on the 4th Step. I try to use it every time I am upset, afraid, angry, or unbalanced in life. When I feel the sand shifting beneath my toes and the tides of life are tipping me, I know it’s time for the 4th.

When I work a 4th step inventory today, I am set free. Free because I get a better grasp of my own reality, my own truth. That kind of truth does set me free. However, I have to seek the truth to be freed by it, don’t I? It doesn’t free me if I’m in denial, or don’t take the time to seek it.

The truth will set you free, to the extent that you recognize it and cooperate with it.

PS: James A. Garfield said, The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable. Amen!

Read Heidi’s Blog: http://goodlifenoalcohol.wordpress.com/2011/12/12/stepping-fourth/

Spiritual Beings

By Fran Dancing Feather
From: http://frandancingfeather.com/
We are not physical beings having a spiritual experience but rather spiritual beings having a physical experience. Our spirits are eternal and our experiences are transitory. We are on a journey—a physical journey that is a part of forever. If we change the world in even the smallest way, let that change bear the mark of our love and foreverness. If we see ourselves as eternal, we are more likely to relax and enjoy the ride instead of becoming stressed and anxious in the use of our time. When we loose ourselves to resentments and shame, we waste those precious moments and hours of life that we could have spent happy, joyous and free. We are all plagued by grudges at times but we have the 12 steps to overcome these things. There are no unique resentments. They are all the same. They are fueled by the fear that we will not get something we want or that we will loose something we cherish. Loosing things we love and not always getting what we want is life-on-life’s terms. We learn in recovery to strive for success but to leave the outcome to our Creator.
As spiritual beings we are able to see how our thoughts and actions are either part of the problem or part of the solution. And the direction of our thoughts and actions determine the level of joy, peace and happiness we experience. As spiritual beings we are automatically linked with all Creation so when we pray we are heard. That’s why the steps work. They bring spiritual changes to our physical lives. They release us from addiction and insanity and set us free to move in a positive direction.
A spiritual way of life is not an easy way. The word spirituality sometimes brings to mind a frivolous or dreamy state of mind but it’s nothing like that. Life is filled with cold hard facts that can seem devastating at times and acceptance and action is the answer to all our problems. Spirituality enters the equation when we exercise faith in the fact that if we just do the right thing, the right things happen. Faith is an action word that requires commitment and actual effort on our part. Faith is having courage as we face the things in life that we fear, in spite of our fear. It takes practice to develop courage, faith and spirituality in an individual who has spent a lifetime expressing fear, guilt and shame. Some people express fear by carrying a gun everywhere they go because it makes them feel safe from predators. Practicing spiritual courage is facing the same environment using the protection of a Higher Power and practicing faith in the fact that we are safe within our spiritual life. Spirituality is confidence in the positive outcome of our right actions.
We are made of spirit. The function of the human body can be explained by a system of organic functions but our consciousness is supernatural. Man, only by our Creator, cannot recreate it. We are mystical spiritual beings and the physical body is only the vehicle we use in this life. If we understand our natural spiritual nature we will want to continue to nurture our recovery because addictions are only physical, not spiritual. Physical addictions remove our conscious spiritual connection with the Greatness of all things in the natural world. To be fully alive, we want to be fully clean and sober. We embrace all our emotions rather than try to deaden them. We come to terms with our wounded-ness, resentments and fears through the spiritual journey of the twelve steps. This may seem very difficult at first but as time goes on we cease to fear our feelings and learn how to deal with them as self-actualizing adults.
People of strong spirit are deeply immersed in the lives of themselves and others. They are not detached gurus who live in caves. The strength of their spirituality enables them to live fully in the moment and be honest, compassionate, self-sacrificing and straightforward with everyone in their world. There is no deceit, deception, hypocrisy or mediocrity. Every moment is valuable and precious. It is a great honor to be in the presence of a strong recovering human spirit!

Who Needs God?

By Chana Weisberg
A well-known saying asserts that in foxholes there are no atheists.
When we’re in a position of pain, danger or need, something within us awakens and reignites a deep connection to our Source. And somehow, with this connection, we find strength we never knew we had and the ability to move forward.
A paradigm for this is the Twelve Step Program from Alcoholics Anonymous. This program is one of the most successful self-help models in existence, so successful, in fact, that it has been modified and adapted by other groups including Narcotics Anonymous, Al Anon for families of alcoholics, CODA for co-dependency, Self-Esteem Anonymous and more.
At the core of the program is the belief in a Higher Being who has the ability to help us overcome our “unmanageable lives.”
In the words of the Steps:
Step 1: I admit that my life has become unmanageable and I have become powerless.
Step 2: I acknowledge the belief that a Power greater than I can restore sanity to my life.
Step 3: I turn my life over to this greater Power, however I want to define Him, and ask for His help.
In a nutshell, these three steps are saying: “I can’t. God, You can. Please help!”
What is it about the Twelve Steps that makes this program so versatile and successful?
And, why does the acknowledgement of a Higher Being–rather than, for example, looking inward and just encouraging one’s own efforts–bring healing and solace when we feel overcome with addictions, suffering, stress or despair?
I think the emphasis on a Higher Being is a necessary balm for any broken heart in these three fundamental ways:
1) Recognizing Our Limitations
We live in a world of unprecedented human achievement. We’ve conquered so many frontiers and overcome limitations on so many levels including technology, medicine, and communication. We’ve become accustomed to controlling our realities.
Yet, ironically, we also take comfort in becoming aware of our own smallness. Despite our human achievements, despite the cosmic significance of our technological advances, despite the intricate complexities of the machines that we create, or the crushing power of the weapons we manufacture, when all is said and done, when we consider the vastness of our universe, we don’t ultimately want to be in charge. We find it strangely comforting to believe in a Power that is much greater than ourselves who takes ultimate responsibility for our world.
We aren’t accustomed to accepting limits, yet when we encounter circumstances over which we have no control; we are forced to face our limitations. Recognizing a Higher Power means acknowledging that we need the help of Someone outside of ourselves to overcome our struggle, whether in the arena of health, self-limiting beliefs, addictions or negative self-talk.
And that recognition is the comforting first step to our recovery.
2) We’re Not Alone
Wherever we may find ourselves on this planet (and beyond), at all times of day or night, today’s technology allows us to instant message, email, voice mail, and video conference with one another. And yet, more and more of us feel disconnected and intensely lonely. We’re “in touch” and always just a click away from a whole cyber-community, but we don’t feel “connected” on a more meaningful level.
This aloneness becomes all the more acute when we are fighting a formidable battle over an acutely painful situation.
Recognition of a Higher Being means that we are never inherently alone.
The Ultimate Being of compassion and wisdom has a real connection with you and is saying: I am near you. I understand your struggles even when you feel so alone. I am with you even before your predicament, providing you with the fortitude to continue. I will help you tackle unchartered territory. I understand you better than you understand yourself.
God understands and is with us through our fears, uncertainties, failures and successes and makes us feel that much less frightened and isolated in taking steps towards our future.
While, to some, belief in God means presenting a wish list of what we want or need, it is foremost the experience of being in the company of God. At all times. In all struggles.
3) You Matter
And finally, being in God’s presence brings the recognition that despite my smallness, as God’s creation, I matter.
Have you ever strolled through a crowded shopping mall, or down a crowded pedestrian walkway, neck to neck with tens of others, sensing that your presence there doesn’t matter at all? No one would really notice or care if you weren’t exactly where you are, doing what you’re doing. Your presence doesn’t matter. Not to anyone.
And yet, belief in a Higher Power means you do matter and that your every action is significant.
There is reason for challenge. It is not a random happening, but a planned struggle necessary for our souls. There is a point and a purpose to our successes and our failures. On some level, the chaos of our world is not chaos, but makes perfect sense.

Whether we are dealing with an addiction to some negative substance, or whether we are struggling with a crisis or challenge, at some point in our lives, we all cry out from the depths of our souls.
Unfortunately, life is too full of moments when we acutely feel, God, I just can’t.
At those moments, we need to be able to find within ourselves the comforting words: God, You can. Please help!

Wait, Why Don’t You Drink, Man?

Comment: I am posting this because I think it is a conversation that needs to be public. Ali’s blog points the pressure that is put on those who don’t drink by those who do. I believe it is important, like Ali says, to remove the stigma from those of us who do not drink, whatever the reason. By mjdunn

By Yashar Ali
I don’t like to drink. I don’t like the taste of alcohol. And, outside of a handful of memorable, drinking stories that my friends and I repeatedly share with each other, I don’t get drunk and I don’t like to get drunk. I also don’t like the loss of time that comes with a hangover and the loss of control that comes with drinking.

And it’s not because I have a drinking problem. I never have. I just don’t like drinking alcohol; it’s simply not part of my life.
Even though I am in my early 30s, I still face this incredible pressure–by my peers –to drink. I am talking about the kind of pressure we’re reminded of when we think of teenagers, college students, or those in their early twenties, and how our friends, during this phase of our lives, were pushing us to drink.

Although we often think peer pressure in drinking is tied to a younger more footloose group, to those who are twenty-something and still finding themselves, I’ve discovered through my own experience and through learning about the experiences of my readers, that age and professional status really plays no role in whether someone will pressure or be pressured. Men and women in there 30s, 40s, and 50s are doing the pressuring.

It seems to me that social pressure to drink is more a cultural issue than an age issue.

I even have friends who claim they could never be in relationship with a person who doesn’t drink. Because that’s what they think a solid relationship is built on: consumption of alcohol.

In Western adult social culture, alcohol is a primary and important component of being part of a group, where people who are not interested in alcohol or dislike the taste, are subject to pressure to drink. They, in turn, are forced to find or create what are deemed “legitimate reasons” for not joining in with the drinking. Failure to drink creates a barrier between the drinkers and those people, who, for various reasons, choose not to drink alcohol.

Why are we judging and pressuring people who don’t drink? And why do we make them justify or explain their reasons for refusing alcohol?

Alcohol (and drinking) is a part of the wide range of social pressures in our culture, and it’s part of the fabric of many people’s lives. However, it’s not an insignificant thing to ask and pressure someone else to drink.
I get that alcohol helps people loosen up in social settings, but it creates a barrier between people who choose to drink and people who don’t. And this barrier sets the tone for who talks to and who hangs out with whom. It’s as if alcohol is the social glue that keeps us together, and if we don’t have it and are faced with some people who drink and some people who don’t, things seem to get off-balance and uncomfortable.

The idea of someone who doesn’t drink is so foreign to some people that we sometimes falsely assume that the person who is not drinking has a past of alcohol abuse or we force these non-drinkers to constantly explain themselves.

Mindy, a reader from Chicago in her early 30s, often deals with new friends or colleagues who assume she was an alcoholic or member of A.A. because she chooses not to drink.

So when it comes to socializing, do we only have two categories for people: sober alcoholic or drinker? There are so many people that fall in between these two categories; they’re not really sober, but they’re also not active drinkers.

A friend of mine who works in corporate advertising commented on the pressure she feels when ordering a glass of water or lemonade at a restaurant with colleagues and everyone else is ordering wine or a cocktail: “I’m made to feel like I’m not an adult.”

Susie, a 38 year-old paralegal found herself being excluded from activities at work, because she barely drank.

“You won’t want to come out tonight because you don’t drink,” she would hear from her co-workers in an almost sympathetic tone. (She would always be included in activities that didn’t include heavy drinking.)
“I can still have a good time without drinking. It’s not like I’m standing there with my arms crossed at a bar, frowning. I just wonder if they feel judged if I am not doing shots with them and that’s why I’m not being included.”

For Susie and other people in her situation, the social interaction between colleagues, the same interaction that often aides people in their careers, is something that is stripped from her. Unless she’s willing to drink to intoxication, people just don’t feel comfortable having her around, and so Susie misses out on one part of professional networking.

My friend Erin, who is in her late 30s, found her second pregnancy to be the saving grace, in terms of alleviating the pressure that comes with drinking: “I find it a relief now that I’m visibly six months pregnant, because I can point to my belly and say, ‘Sorry, I can’t!’”

“It will be a drag when I have to go back to explaining to people, ‘No really, I just don’t like it.’”

Having an excuse, whether it’s an illness or pregnancy, seems to offer a reprieve to those who don’t want to drink. But it still doesn’t make sense to me. I understand (but don’t accept) the social pressure to drink during high school and college-age years, but why are adults so obsessed with their friends, family, and colleagues drinking?

And why do there seem to be real, social consequences for people who don’t care to learn the difference between a Chardonnay and a Cabernet?

Originally appeared at The Current Conscience.

Full Article & Comments: http://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/wait-dont-you-want-a-drink-man/

Circumstances

If God really wants us to do His will, it’s natural for us to wonder why He doesn’t make it easier for us. If He expects us to have impeccable standards, why doesn’t he remove all temptation from our path? If He wants us to stick to our values, why doesn’t He protect us from spiritual peril?

Obviously, we must never intentionally submit ourselves to a test of moral character. Indeed, we should pray that God would steer us clear of temptation. When Divine Providence leads us into such a situation in life that makes it easy to rationalize doing the wrong thing, we need not fear. We must know that, without exception, we are brought to such a trial only in order to take us to a higher level.

Our recovery has empowered us so that we never blame circumstances. Our recovery has taught us to take personal responsibility for our own actions. It has empowered us so that we never blame circumstances. We are not circumstantial victims of fate, and we always have free choice when it comes to deciding to do what is right in God’s eyes.

We have also learned trust and acceptance. We know that God can surely be relied upon to know what is good for us. If He places us in a situation that would seem to make it difficult to choose right over wrong, it is only because He considers us up to the task.

It has been said that life itself is a series of trials. Our very mission in life is to withstand such tests; we must embrace the fact that God does not always make things easy for us. Most of us are tired of excuses, exhausted by self-justification and overwhelmed by our overactive minds.

Whenever our commitment to spiritual principles wavers, our reflexive response is to blame people, places and things. However, the voice of conscience inside us always knows that there is nothing that can happen to us in sobriety that will ever take us away from our commitment to lofty principles.

Re-blogged from www.chabbad.org