From Living Sober AA World Services

At the same time that we recognize this dangerous tendency to readdiction, we also recognize that alcoholics are not immune to other diseases. Some of us have had to cope with depressions that can be suicidal; schizophrenia that sometimes requires hospitalization; manic depression; and other mental and biological illnesses Also among us are epileptics, members with heart trouble, cancer, allergies, hypertension, and many other serious physical conditions.

Because of the difficulties that many alcoholics have with drugs, some members have taken the position that no one in A.A. should take any medication.

While this position has undoubtedly prevented relapses for some, it has meant disaster for others. A.A. members and many of their physicians have described situations in which depressed patients have been told by A.A.s to throw away the pills, only to have depression return with all its difficulties, sometimes resulting in suicide. We have heard, too, from schizophrenics, manic depressives, epileptics, and others requiring medication that well-meaning A.A. friends often discourage them from taking prescribed medication. Unfortunately, by following a layman’s advice, the sufferers find that their conditions can return with all their previous intensity. On top of that, they feel guilty because they are convinced that “A.A. is against pills.”

It becomes clear that just as it is wrong to enable or support any alcoholic to become re-addicted to any drug, it’s equally wrong to deprive any alcoholic of medication which can alleviate or control other disabling physical and/or emotional problems.

1 Comment

Most people go through life trying to have others think of them in a certain way. Their daily goal literally consists of making sure everyone has a certain impression of them. But the real you is one who stares back at you in the mirror. That’s you – and there’s no amount of acting that will ever change that.

Ironically, the way you see yourself is the exact way in which you’ll think how others feel about you. And the only way to ever change how you think others view you is to actually change the way in which you see yourself. Doing this can make all the difference in the world.

Remember, as long as you really think of yourself as a grasshopper, you will walk around thinking others view you the same way. Whether you think of yourself as insecure, unattractive, unambitious, or any other negative belief – you will live with the reality that others view you in the exact same way.

The only way ever to change how you think others perceive you is to first change the way you see yourself. The secret isn’t to get them to change their view of you. Rather, it’s to change the way you see yourself and then the world will see you in this whole new light.

The quick and simple way to immediately change how you see yourself is done with action – not by thought or desire. Start acting in a manner consistent with who you want to become, you’ll then see yourself more and more like this person, and you’ll “notice” how all those around you seems to just naturally follow your lead.

No Comments

From:Recovery Is Sexy Blog

Families of people with substance problems are too often “forgotten kids”.

It was several months ago, after a long running breakdown in family relationships, that my father admitted to suffering from alcoholism – something we, his family, had always known about, and had learned to live with it as part of our everyday life… It is hard to know when his drinking became a problem. He did not always drink excessively; it crept up so slowly that we did not realize its effects until it became too much to cope with. Growing up seeing my father drinking was normal to me; in many ways, it feels as if “alcoholism” is a recent issue.

One of the main problems I faced after my father’s admission to alcoholism was that I did not see him as an alcoholic. I had a stereotyped image of alcoholics as violent people who drank strong spirits all day. In my father’s case, this just was not true: he had a well-paid job, he never drank during the day, and was very loving and caring. Sometimes he would not drink for a few days, making it seem impossible that he could have a problem. I knew that he did have a problem with alcohol addiction, but I simply blocked these feelings out.

As a child I had been brought up well, taught to have good manners and strive for success

I looked up to my parents. But, over time, I watched my father change from this role model to someone I still loved deeply but could not always look up to. The drinking had changed him slowly, bringing with it dramatic mood changes, turning him verbally aggressive one moment to the most loving and supportive person you could know the next. As I grew older, I learned to deny that my father’s drinking was a problem. I stopped inviting friends round to the house when I thought he would be stressed and drinking.

Having said that, on some occasions, he was the life and soul of the party, and friends would tell me how wonderful they thought he was.

I never mentioned dad’s drinking to other family members, choosing to avoid the subject even when they had guessed what was wrong. The trouble with alcohol addiction is that you never know which side of the Jekyll and Hyde character the drink will bring out, or when.

Hiding dad’s drinking from others led to me lying about it to myself. If anyone questioned my father’s drinking, I would become angry and shut them out. It was as if hearing about it would mean I would have to deal with it.

Soon after my father’s realization that he was an alcoholic, he joined a clinic helping people to cope with addictions. He stopped drinking and spent every day at the clinic learning how to cope with it.

Seeing my father without the drink brought other worries. I was very close to my father before, but what would he be like without it? Would he still think of me in the same way and, more importantly, would he be the same person?

Strangely, I began to feel angry. Why had it taken him so long to realize? Why hadn’t my mother made him go to the clinic years ago? Why do you have to wait for the person with the addiction to realize what they are doing to themselves?

I became even more annoyed with myself for feeling this way.

I went to the clinic with him to find out what it was about, what it offered him that he could not get from us, the people who loved him. The staff were very welcoming and the counselors helped me to understand that it was normal to have these feelings of resentment towards my family. They also made me realize that, for us as a family to overcome this situation, we would each need to review our attitudes and beliefs towards drinking and addiction.

As the child of an alcoholic you do not realize the extent of the damage drinking does to your family, until it comes to a head. It was hard trying to be open about the addiction to my family and friends at first, although I found them all supportive and optimistic about the future. I saw that my parents were dealing with the addiction well, making changes to their lives and setting goals.

This made me realize that I had to concentrate on my own life. It was OK to let go of the protectiveness I had towards my family. It is not easy and we all have to work together to chase away the demons of the past, but we are learning one day at a time. Slowly, we are becoming a close family unit again, talking about our feelings instead of bottling them up for fear of hurting someone. I feel that I have been given freedom from the addictive circle that was my family life

No Comments

From 100 Blessings Every Day

Often we speak of addictions in terms of alcohol and drug abuse, maybe even food and gambling. There are still those who are unwilling to talk about (or admit to) their sexual addiction. No less real than alcohol or drug addiction, sexual addictions are just as destructive and deadly. The time has come to “admit that we are powerless over our sexual addiction” and can be healed.

The driving force behind sexual addiction is a desire to be loved. We think it may help fill the void that is created by the fact that we don’t love ourselves. In active addiction, that perceived void is more like a black hole that, by definition, can never be filled. No matter how much we try, no matter how many people we sleep with, it is never enough. Never.

When we learn to love ourselves once again, we come to understand that there is a place for loving sex in our lives. Loving sex nurtures both partners. It enhances the self as it gives to the other person.

When you make love, imagine both you and your partner joining bodies and souls

No Comments

May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable to You, God, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Psalm 19:15

This well-known text from the book of Psalms helps to bring closure to Meditative Prayer, as we conclude our time for private reflection in meditation. Our prayers are joined with those who have come before us. In this context, per­haps the most focused recovery prayer we can offer is simply to ask God to help us become the best that we can be. We can ask for no more. And that’s really enough. Making our best effort without fixating on the results frees us to accept life on life’s terms. Once we are able to do that, we can go on living again.

What we say should reflect what we feel. While often miss­ing elsewhere in the world, emotional honesty is something that we learn in the program. It is certainly something that others can learn from our recovery, as well. Teach it to others by living the truth of your recovery.

No Comments

By Debbie Ford

Discontent occurs when our outer experiences aren’t matching our inner desires. It usually begins as a subtle awareness — a gnawing feeling that we are capable of something more than we are actually creating or we are tolerating circumstances that are below our standards. In its early stages, discontent is fairly easy to overlook or conceal from us. But like a glowing ember, the heat of discontent builds slowly over time until it becomes a blazing fire that can no longer be ignored. By then our discontent captures our full attention and, hopefully, if we are not stuck in our shadows, we are motivated into action.

Whether it shows up in the area of our jobs, our bodies, or our relationships with our spouse or our kids, the sensation of discontent blows past our egos and our logic, insisting that we are destined for much, much more than we are currently living. The natural human reaction when faced with such a powerful and uncomfortable emotion is to blame it on someone or something else in order to ease our own pain. (My kids are spoiled. My metabolism isn’t what it used to be. My job is too demanding). But I’d like to offer you another, more empowering way to perceive it: Your discontent is a tap on the shoulder from your most magnificent self, trying to awaken you to your true potential and reveal parts of yourself that are ready to be expressed. What if there’s a cosmic joke here? Discontent is actually your most powerful ally on your journey to a life of greater fulfillment.

What if you listened to the subtle urgings of your discontent, rather than making it someone else’s fault or keeping it at bay?

What if you could penetrate the denial of your own actions and choices and take radical responsibility for where you are right now?

What if you not only listened to your discontent but also courted it and took it to lunch or out for an afternoon stroll and received full-heartedly the messages it is trying to convey?

There is a big, bold, unexpressed gift waiting and wanting to be born. Your discontent is the proverbial messenger whispering in your ear, “It’s time to upgrade your relationship with your body, with your spouse, with your money, with your children, so that it reflects your highest vision and your deepest values.”

This week, crack the code of your discontent and open up to the divine gifts that are waiting to be claimed.

1 Comment

Lore of the American Indian Native

It seems that there were different initiations that a young boy had to pass
to prove that he was a man. Some of the initiations had to do with proving
that the young boy was accomplished in overcoming fear, or showing bravery.
This is one such story.

A young lad was taken into the deep woods by his father. He was told that he
had to spend the night alone and also spend this night blindfolded.
It seems that the father found a clearing with a perfect tree stump suitable
for sitting. Night was approaching and the boy sat on the tree stump and the
father placed the blindfold securely over his son’s eyes and said that he
could take the blindfold off and come home when he felt the warmth of the
morning sun. Then he left the young lad.

The boy strained his senses; finally feeling the quiet of the night and its
coolness closing around him. Sounds that the boy understood and accepted
from the safety of his home and the comfort of his family now seemed foreign
and frightening.

He heard the hooting of an owl nearby and the answer of its mate further
away. He wondered what else was out there in the stillness of the night. Was
the sound of the owl warning its mate of a menacing intruder such as a bear,
or was it just the chatter of two affectionate birds?

What caused the rustling of leaves? Was it a night animal such as a mountain
cougar or just the breeze wending its way through the forest?

Even though the night was cool, the boy could feel the heat building in his
belly as the pangs of fear increased as each sound came into his perception.
The blindfold seemed heavier as each hour passed and the night seemed
endless. The boy thought of his family and how he loved them and wondered
how his father could do this to him.

Sadly he felt anger arise from the pit of his stomach reaching a tightly
closed throat so that it seemed to choke him. He labored under the thought
that his father left him to his own devices in a world that now seemed
threatening. How could his father abandon him to the dangers of the forest
and why didn’t his mother dissuade him from this unjust treatment?

After a time that seemed endless, he picked up a subtle change in the night
sounds as now birds began chirping their morning songs. The boy eagerly took
off the blindfold as he finally felt the warmth of the morning sun.

“Father”, he cried, as he quickly ran to the embrace of the one who had been
quietly keeping guard with him throughout the night.

In the boy’s perception, he was alone and abandoned. In truth, he was not.
How often are our perceptions like those of the young Indian boy?

2 Comments

From Living Sober AA World Services

At the same time that we recognize this dangerous tendency to readdiction, we also recognize that alcoholics are not immune to other diseases. Some of us have had to cope with depressions that can be suicidal; schizophrenia that sometimes requires hospitalization; manic depression; and other mental and biological illnesses Also among us are epileptics, members with heart trouble, cancer, allergies, hypertension, and many other serious physical conditions.

Because of the difficulties that many alcoholics have with drugs, some members have taken the position that no one in A.A. should take any medication.

While this position has undoubtedly prevented relapses for some, it has meant disaster for others. A.A. members and many of their physicians have described situations in which depressed patients have been told by A.A.s to throw away the pills, only to have depression return with all its difficulties, sometimes resulting in suicide. We have heard, too, from schizophrenics, manic depressives, epileptics, and others requiring medication that well-meaning A.A. friends often discourage them from taking prescribed medication. Unfortunately, by following a layman’s advice, the sufferers find that their conditions can return with all their previous intensity. On top of that, they feel guilty because they are convinced that “A.A. is against pills.”

It becomes clear that just as it is wrong to enable or support any alcoholic to become re-addicted to any drug, it’s equally wrong to deprive any alcoholic of medication which can alleviate or control other disabling physical and/or emotional problems.

1 Comment

Most people go through life trying to have others think of them in a certain way. Their daily goal literally consists of making sure everyone has a certain impression of them. But the real you is one who stares back at you in the mirror. That’s you – and there’s no amount of acting that will ever change that.

Ironically, the way you see yourself is the exact way in which you’ll think how others feel about you. And the only way to ever change how you think others view you is to actually change the way in which you see yourself. Doing this can make all the difference in the world.

Remember, as long as you really think of yourself as a grasshopper, you will walk around thinking others view you the same way. Whether you think of yourself as insecure, unattractive, unambitious, or any other negative belief – you will live with the reality that others view you in the exact same way.

The only way ever to change how you think others perceive you is to first change the way you see yourself. The secret isn’t to get them to change their view of you. Rather, it’s to change the way you see yourself and then the world will see you in this whole new light.

The quick and simple way to immediately change how you see yourself is done with action – not by thought or desire. Start acting in a manner consistent with who you want to become, you’ll then see yourself more and more like this person, and you’ll “notice” how all those around you seems to just naturally follow your lead.

No Comments

From:Recovery Is Sexy Blog

Families of people with substance problems are too often “forgotten kids”.

It was several months ago, after a long running breakdown in family relationships, that my father admitted to suffering from alcoholism – something we, his family, had always known about, and had learned to live with it as part of our everyday life… It is hard to know when his drinking became a problem. He did not always drink excessively; it crept up so slowly that we did not realize its effects until it became too much to cope with. Growing up seeing my father drinking was normal to me; in many ways, it feels as if “alcoholism” is a recent issue.

One of the main problems I faced after my father’s admission to alcoholism was that I did not see him as an alcoholic. I had a stereotyped image of alcoholics as violent people who drank strong spirits all day. In my father’s case, this just was not true: he had a well-paid job, he never drank during the day, and was very loving and caring. Sometimes he would not drink for a few days, making it seem impossible that he could have a problem. I knew that he did have a problem with alcohol addiction, but I simply blocked these feelings out.

As a child I had been brought up well, taught to have good manners and strive for success

I looked up to my parents. But, over time, I watched my father change from this role model to someone I still loved deeply but could not always look up to. The drinking had changed him slowly, bringing with it dramatic mood changes, turning him verbally aggressive one moment to the most loving and supportive person you could know the next. As I grew older, I learned to deny that my father’s drinking was a problem. I stopped inviting friends round to the house when I thought he would be stressed and drinking.

Having said that, on some occasions, he was the life and soul of the party, and friends would tell me how wonderful they thought he was.

I never mentioned dad’s drinking to other family members, choosing to avoid the subject even when they had guessed what was wrong. The trouble with alcohol addiction is that you never know which side of the Jekyll and Hyde character the drink will bring out, or when.

Hiding dad’s drinking from others led to me lying about it to myself. If anyone questioned my father’s drinking, I would become angry and shut them out. It was as if hearing about it would mean I would have to deal with it.

Soon after my father’s realization that he was an alcoholic, he joined a clinic helping people to cope with addictions. He stopped drinking and spent every day at the clinic learning how to cope with it.

Seeing my father without the drink brought other worries. I was very close to my father before, but what would he be like without it? Would he still think of me in the same way and, more importantly, would he be the same person?

Strangely, I began to feel angry. Why had it taken him so long to realize? Why hadn’t my mother made him go to the clinic years ago? Why do you have to wait for the person with the addiction to realize what they are doing to themselves?

I became even more annoyed with myself for feeling this way.

I went to the clinic with him to find out what it was about, what it offered him that he could not get from us, the people who loved him. The staff were very welcoming and the counselors helped me to understand that it was normal to have these feelings of resentment towards my family. They also made me realize that, for us as a family to overcome this situation, we would each need to review our attitudes and beliefs towards drinking and addiction.

As the child of an alcoholic you do not realize the extent of the damage drinking does to your family, until it comes to a head. It was hard trying to be open about the addiction to my family and friends at first, although I found them all supportive and optimistic about the future. I saw that my parents were dealing with the addiction well, making changes to their lives and setting goals.

This made me realize that I had to concentrate on my own life. It was OK to let go of the protectiveness I had towards my family. It is not easy and we all have to work together to chase away the demons of the past, but we are learning one day at a time. Slowly, we are becoming a close family unit again, talking about our feelings instead of bottling them up for fear of hurting someone. I feel that I have been given freedom from the addictive circle that was my family life

No Comments

From 100 Blessings Every Day

Often we speak of addictions in terms of alcohol and drug abuse, maybe even food and gambling. There are still those who are unwilling to talk about (or admit to) their sexual addiction. No less real than alcohol or drug addiction, sexual addictions are just as destructive and deadly. The time has come to “admit that we are powerless over our sexual addiction” and can be healed.

The driving force behind sexual addiction is a desire to be loved. We think it may help fill the void that is created by the fact that we don’t love ourselves. In active addiction, that perceived void is more like a black hole that, by definition, can never be filled. No matter how much we try, no matter how many people we sleep with, it is never enough. Never.

When we learn to love ourselves once again, we come to understand that there is a place for loving sex in our lives. Loving sex nurtures both partners. It enhances the self as it gives to the other person.

When you make love, imagine both you and your partner joining bodies and souls

No Comments

May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable to You, God, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Psalm 19:15

This well-known text from the book of Psalms helps to bring closure to Meditative Prayer, as we conclude our time for private reflection in meditation. Our prayers are joined with those who have come before us. In this context, per­haps the most focused recovery prayer we can offer is simply to ask God to help us become the best that we can be. We can ask for no more. And that’s really enough. Making our best effort without fixating on the results frees us to accept life on life’s terms. Once we are able to do that, we can go on living again.

What we say should reflect what we feel. While often miss­ing elsewhere in the world, emotional honesty is something that we learn in the program. It is certainly something that others can learn from our recovery, as well. Teach it to others by living the truth of your recovery.

No Comments

By Debbie Ford

Discontent occurs when our outer experiences aren’t matching our inner desires. It usually begins as a subtle awareness — a gnawing feeling that we are capable of something more than we are actually creating or we are tolerating circumstances that are below our standards. In its early stages, discontent is fairly easy to overlook or conceal from us. But like a glowing ember, the heat of discontent builds slowly over time until it becomes a blazing fire that can no longer be ignored. By then our discontent captures our full attention and, hopefully, if we are not stuck in our shadows, we are motivated into action.

Whether it shows up in the area of our jobs, our bodies, or our relationships with our spouse or our kids, the sensation of discontent blows past our egos and our logic, insisting that we are destined for much, much more than we are currently living. The natural human reaction when faced with such a powerful and uncomfortable emotion is to blame it on someone or something else in order to ease our own pain. (My kids are spoiled. My metabolism isn’t what it used to be. My job is too demanding). But I’d like to offer you another, more empowering way to perceive it: Your discontent is a tap on the shoulder from your most magnificent self, trying to awaken you to your true potential and reveal parts of yourself that are ready to be expressed. What if there’s a cosmic joke here? Discontent is actually your most powerful ally on your journey to a life of greater fulfillment.

What if you listened to the subtle urgings of your discontent, rather than making it someone else’s fault or keeping it at bay?

What if you could penetrate the denial of your own actions and choices and take radical responsibility for where you are right now?

What if you not only listened to your discontent but also courted it and took it to lunch or out for an afternoon stroll and received full-heartedly the messages it is trying to convey?

There is a big, bold, unexpressed gift waiting and wanting to be born. Your discontent is the proverbial messenger whispering in your ear, “It’s time to upgrade your relationship with your body, with your spouse, with your money, with your children, so that it reflects your highest vision and your deepest values.”

This week, crack the code of your discontent and open up to the divine gifts that are waiting to be claimed.

1 Comment

Lore of the American Indian Native

It seems that there were different initiations that a young boy had to pass
to prove that he was a man. Some of the initiations had to do with proving
that the young boy was accomplished in overcoming fear, or showing bravery.
This is one such story.

A young lad was taken into the deep woods by his father. He was told that he
had to spend the night alone and also spend this night blindfolded.
It seems that the father found a clearing with a perfect tree stump suitable
for sitting. Night was approaching and the boy sat on the tree stump and the
father placed the blindfold securely over his son’s eyes and said that he
could take the blindfold off and come home when he felt the warmth of the
morning sun. Then he left the young lad.

The boy strained his senses; finally feeling the quiet of the night and its
coolness closing around him. Sounds that the boy understood and accepted
from the safety of his home and the comfort of his family now seemed foreign
and frightening.

He heard the hooting of an owl nearby and the answer of its mate further
away. He wondered what else was out there in the stillness of the night. Was
the sound of the owl warning its mate of a menacing intruder such as a bear,
or was it just the chatter of two affectionate birds?

What caused the rustling of leaves? Was it a night animal such as a mountain
cougar or just the breeze wending its way through the forest?

Even though the night was cool, the boy could feel the heat building in his
belly as the pangs of fear increased as each sound came into his perception.
The blindfold seemed heavier as each hour passed and the night seemed
endless. The boy thought of his family and how he loved them and wondered
how his father could do this to him.

Sadly he felt anger arise from the pit of his stomach reaching a tightly
closed throat so that it seemed to choke him. He labored under the thought
that his father left him to his own devices in a world that now seemed
threatening. How could his father abandon him to the dangers of the forest
and why didn’t his mother dissuade him from this unjust treatment?

After a time that seemed endless, he picked up a subtle change in the night
sounds as now birds began chirping their morning songs. The boy eagerly took
off the blindfold as he finally felt the warmth of the morning sun.

“Father”, he cried, as he quickly ran to the embrace of the one who had been
quietly keeping guard with him throughout the night.

In the boy’s perception, he was alone and abandoned. In truth, he was not.
How often are our perceptions like those of the young Indian boy?

2 Comments